At least make sure they are 18
Why
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
