no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
