God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
