I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
