An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
