it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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