I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
