I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
