Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
