I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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