I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
