This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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