How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
