I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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