The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
