if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
