I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
