I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
