why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
