Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
