I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
