I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
