You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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