my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
