i think my mom watched the whole time
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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