The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
