every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
