i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
