we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
