So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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