Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
