hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
