I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
