Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
