He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
