I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
