You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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