At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
