it wasn't lemon gatorade
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
