i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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