The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
