I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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