They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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