have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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