I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
