I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
