end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
