Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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