I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Someone shit on the floor
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
