Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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