he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
