she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
