im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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