if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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