Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
