u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
