As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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