I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We left an ass print on the piano.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
