Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
